Long goodbyes don't delay sorrow
Alexia Lang
Issue date: 10/19/09 Section: Forum
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And we all dim with each passing day.
First, it was the memory. Then, it was the tremors. Lastly came the sick cells - the cancer cells - that sucked away life and left behind pain and suffering.
It's happened a million times before and it will happen again. There are no answers, but there are billions of causes.
We are victims of our environments. We are victims of ourselves. We are victims of others.
We are families living with cancer, with Alzheimer's disease, with Parkinson's disease, with any other illness that slowly robs a human being of life while loved ones stand by helplessly watching.
For the last six months, I stood by while my grandfather suffered with cancer.
In recent years, we dealt with the memory loss attributed to Alzheimer's. And the slight shake of his hands was easily overlooked.
But the news our family received in May was a devastating blow.
You see, we were told Grandpa Al had cancer and he would only live three months, unless he underwent treatment that would only temporarily delay the inevitable or would kill him in the process.
Hours were spent around the dinner table explaining to Grandpa the diagnosis and his options.
Unfortunately, with his short-term memory gone, none of us were able to relay all of the information he needed to make a decision about his own health before his memory would reset.
In the end, his children and wife decided it would be better for him to live the rest of his life in peace and with some level of health than to spend the rest of his days sick from the treatment.
He surpassed the doctor's expectations. For the last three months, the doctors were in a daily ritual of telling us that "tonight is the night he will most likely go." But he held on for a long time.
Each day became more of a struggle. With his condition worsening, he was moved to a nursing home, where he routinely woke up in the middle of the night, lost and frightened because he couldn't remember where he was.
And each evening became more heart-wrenching for Grandma Mary as she was forced to say goodbye to the grown man while he cried for her to stay.
We all hear the words echoing in our heads, "You are leaving me alone? Why would you leave me alone? I want to go home with you."
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