Spring Break
Horoscopes
Hassel Wander, The British Persian
Issue date: 4/2/07 Section: Culture
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ARIES
March 21-April 20
Writeth thou your autobiography. Calleth it "A Mockery of Nerdism."
TAURUS
April 21-May 20
Kicking cardboard boxes may be hazardous to your health, because their inhabitants may not appreciate it.
GEMINI
May 21-June 21
Your cup of bitterness is full, so you'd better drink it to the dregs. Next time, consider adding Bailey's.
CANCER
June 22-July 22
The new face of the mob is a bearded fellow who wields ineptitude like a bludgeon. Be sure you have your camcorder handy.
LEO
July 23-Aug. 22
For those emergency baking situations when you find you have run out of coconut, remember fingernails have the same color and consistency.
VIRGO
Aug. 23-Sept. 22
Beware smoking pot - it usually means the food inside the pot is burned.
LIBRA
Sept. 23-Oct. 23
Expect an e-mail from the president of Nigeria. Take him up on his offer of the Nigerian national treasury - just be sure to use PayPal for the transfer.
SCORPIO
Oct. 24-Nov. 22
Blue, red and brown, wear your gown when you go to town, don't forget to frown.
SAGITTARIUS
Nov. 23-Dec. 21
Put your stake in YouTube by posting a video of your steak.
CAPRICORN
Dec. 22-Jan. 20
Girl Scout cookies are treacherous. Beware the brownie.
AQUARIUS
Jan. 21-Feb. 19
Smokey the Bear says, "Only you can prevent forest fires." Apparently nobody can prevent house fires.
PISCES
Feb. 20-March 20
Be a hater. If it were really a happy-pappy "small world after all," we wouldn't have grumpy old neighbors.
March 21-April 20
Writeth thou your autobiography. Calleth it "A Mockery of Nerdism."
TAURUS
April 21-May 20
Kicking cardboard boxes may be hazardous to your health, because their inhabitants may not appreciate it.
GEMINI
May 21-June 21
Your cup of bitterness is full, so you'd better drink it to the dregs. Next time, consider adding Bailey's.
CANCER
June 22-July 22
The new face of the mob is a bearded fellow who wields ineptitude like a bludgeon. Be sure you have your camcorder handy.
LEO
July 23-Aug. 22
For those emergency baking situations when you find you have run out of coconut, remember fingernails have the same color and consistency.
VIRGO
Aug. 23-Sept. 22
Beware smoking pot - it usually means the food inside the pot is burned.
LIBRA
Sept. 23-Oct. 23
Expect an e-mail from the president of Nigeria. Take him up on his offer of the Nigerian national treasury - just be sure to use PayPal for the transfer.
SCORPIO
Oct. 24-Nov. 22
Blue, red and brown, wear your gown when you go to town, don't forget to frown.
SAGITTARIUS
Nov. 23-Dec. 21
Put your stake in YouTube by posting a video of your steak.
CAPRICORN
Dec. 22-Jan. 20
Girl Scout cookies are treacherous. Beware the brownie.
AQUARIUS
Jan. 21-Feb. 19
Smokey the Bear says, "Only you can prevent forest fires." Apparently nobody can prevent house fires.
PISCES
Feb. 20-March 20
Be a hater. If it were really a happy-pappy "small world after all," we wouldn't have grumpy old neighbors.
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