Spring Break
BLACK LOVE: A good man is hard to find
Brittany Lane
Issue date: 12/4/06 Section: Forum
What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man" is what the first all-female rap crew Salt N Pepa sang back in the '90s.
What a joke.
As a black woman mixed up in the dating scene, I am unsure about my romantic future. I never used to listen to the cynical older women I've encountered in my lifetime through work, family and friends. Those cynics used to croak that "a good black man is hard to find." But now these battle axes' voices are echoing repeatedly in my head. Their tales of love gone wrong coupled with my bad dating experiences have led me to wonder if what they say is true.
Are there any good men out there? And more specifically: is it impossible to find a good black man?
Do not write me off as another angry or bitter black woman because I am not either. I know I am 21 years young. I know I have a whole lifetime ahead of me to date, love and marry. It's just that as I get older and learn the facts, it's becoming clear that black love is an endangered species in America.
The facts are grim as far as dating and marriage go in the black community. Stats vary depending on what data you look at. However, the bottom line is that blacks are less likely to find love and marry than whites. One study put 34 percent of blacks in marriages compared to 57 percent of whites.
Only 31 percent of black women married in 2002, a huge decline from the 62 percent who married in 1950. And to make matters worse, blacks have higher divorce rates than any other ethnic group - nearly half our marriages end in divorce by the 10th anniversary. As black women outnumber black men 100 to 90, they are the least likely to marry behind whites, Hispanics, and even black men.
I'm not even ready to jump off into the marriage deep end, but you can see why I am concerned. I'm just trying to date, which is tough enough in itself for black women. There are not a whole lot of us to choose from in the first place. 2005 Census Bureau data puts blacks at 12.1 percent of the U.S. population. Less than half of those numbers are males and of that, less than 4 percent single or available.
What a joke.
As a black woman mixed up in the dating scene, I am unsure about my romantic future. I never used to listen to the cynical older women I've encountered in my lifetime through work, family and friends. Those cynics used to croak that "a good black man is hard to find." But now these battle axes' voices are echoing repeatedly in my head. Their tales of love gone wrong coupled with my bad dating experiences have led me to wonder if what they say is true.
Are there any good men out there? And more specifically: is it impossible to find a good black man?
Do not write me off as another angry or bitter black woman because I am not either. I know I am 21 years young. I know I have a whole lifetime ahead of me to date, love and marry. It's just that as I get older and learn the facts, it's becoming clear that black love is an endangered species in America.
The facts are grim as far as dating and marriage go in the black community. Stats vary depending on what data you look at. However, the bottom line is that blacks are less likely to find love and marry than whites. One study put 34 percent of blacks in marriages compared to 57 percent of whites.
Only 31 percent of black women married in 2002, a huge decline from the 62 percent who married in 1950. And to make matters worse, blacks have higher divorce rates than any other ethnic group - nearly half our marriages end in divorce by the 10th anniversary. As black women outnumber black men 100 to 90, they are the least likely to marry behind whites, Hispanics, and even black men.
I'm not even ready to jump off into the marriage deep end, but you can see why I am concerned. I'm just trying to date, which is tough enough in itself for black women. There are not a whole lot of us to choose from in the first place. 2005 Census Bureau data puts blacks at 12.1 percent of the U.S. population. Less than half of those numbers are males and of that, less than 4 percent single or available.
Viewing Comments 1 - 9 of 12
Greg Magerl
posted 12/04/06 @ 11:35 PM CST
I just read the diatribe on how hard it is to find a good man. The simple fact of the matter is that there are good men out there. I work, as a civilian, with an Army unit. (Continued…)
Brittany Lane
posted 12/05/06 @ 11:39 AM CST
Thanks for the comment Greg. But I have to disagree with you that my forum is a diatribe and that I'm a bigot. I never said that there aren't good men out there. (Continued…)
Richard
Richard
posted 12/06/06 @ 11:47 AM CST
Her article was not racist, however last time I checked there is nothing wrong with a black woman deciding to pursue black men only. And I know many people of other races who have standing rules to not date outside of their race. (Continued…)
Queen Johnson
posted 12/22/07 @ 9:52 PM CST
Thank God for this article I really thought I was crazy or just plain undesirable. I have been trying to date after coming out of a long term relationship and it has been a downhill battle I didn't know what the problem was. (Continued…)
www.ebonydateonline.com
posted 5/12/08 @ 12:07 PM CST
i joined this site called www.ebonydateonline.com and there are plenty of single black men on there from all 50 states so if your having a hard time finding love try www. (Continued…)
Kimberly
posted 7/27/08 @ 11:13 AM CST
I am a 34 y/o divorced black woman who does not date outside her race. I take issue with the use of the subjective term GOOD. Despite all the statistics, I have dated more educated black men than not, more gainfully employed than not, more involved parents than not, and more interested in committments than not. (Continued…)
John
posted 10/03/08 @ 9:41 AM CST
I read in article about this topic from a man's perspective and I think he summed it up pretty nicely:
taken from http://www.tao-of-love.com/tao-of-steve/a-good-man-is-hard-to-findcolumn-for-71206/
"It took a while, but I think we finally have a working definition of a "good man. (Continued…)
Harveir
posted 12/03/08 @ 2:15 AM CST
Amen John:
I think there are too many expectations and the script is being flipped. I am a 37 divorced male and let me tell you I don't desire relationships anymore. (Continued…)
Free Black Dating Sites
posted 1/12/09 @ 12:43 AM CST
Sometimes its hard to meet someone of the same race as you, thats why its nice to hop online and find a nice black dating site, theres a bunch of free ones, check it out
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