Spring Break
BLACK LOVE: A good man is hard to find
Brittany Lane
Issue date: 12/4/06 Section: Forum
Factor in who's "good" or desirable and the numbers become depressing.
It looks even bleaker if you consider that the most desirable of these men are concentrated around larger U.S. cities and not in the Kansas City area. Blacks make up 11.2 percent of the population in Missouri and 5.5 percent in Kansas.
Then there seem to be particular issues black women must deal with when dating black men.
Our men's character, intelligence and manhood are attacked on a daily basis in America. The legacy of slavery, racism, injustice crime, and poverty has discouraged black men from succeeding. Many of our men are in prisons, on the streets, or in equally unappealing conditions, making it difficult for black love to thrive.
With black women becoming increasingly educated over black men, the plight continues and the pool of favorable men narrows even more. My single black college girl friends and I look for similar characteristics in potential suitors. We like to date men that have open minds and clear goals. Yet, that's hard to find in a black man when most of them are struggling just to survive. We also try to date men that are not attempting to live some kind of thug life. That's proven difficult to find, too. I guess it's what we should expect when most black males grow up without a steady father figure and rappers glorify hustling, expensive toys, and devaluing women.
Don't even get me started on trying to find a black man that does not already have children, wants to take you out on dates that involve actually leaving the house, has not been in trouble with the law, does not have trouble expressing his feelings, isn't a liar or cheater, and is not a commitment-phobic.
Dating educated black men or those with good jobs does not exempt you from dealing with issues, either. Some of these men are conceited and unwilling to settle down since they feel like hot commodities who can have any woman they want because of the pool of less-desirable men.
With all the factors working against them, many black women end up settling for any man.
There's nothing wrong with compromising. That's part of loving someone. But don't settle. I refuse to settle. Settling dooms you to becoming one of those battle axes that complain about the lack of good men.
I hope things change for the better for black love in our community. Until then, I'll try to remain optimistic about my romantic future and open-minded about dating. Love does not have to be defined by race.
Maybe one day I'll know what Salt N Pepa were singing about.
blane@unews.com
It looks even bleaker if you consider that the most desirable of these men are concentrated around larger U.S. cities and not in the Kansas City area. Blacks make up 11.2 percent of the population in Missouri and 5.5 percent in Kansas.
Then there seem to be particular issues black women must deal with when dating black men.
Our men's character, intelligence and manhood are attacked on a daily basis in America. The legacy of slavery, racism, injustice crime, and poverty has discouraged black men from succeeding. Many of our men are in prisons, on the streets, or in equally unappealing conditions, making it difficult for black love to thrive.
With black women becoming increasingly educated over black men, the plight continues and the pool of favorable men narrows even more. My single black college girl friends and I look for similar characteristics in potential suitors. We like to date men that have open minds and clear goals. Yet, that's hard to find in a black man when most of them are struggling just to survive. We also try to date men that are not attempting to live some kind of thug life. That's proven difficult to find, too. I guess it's what we should expect when most black males grow up without a steady father figure and rappers glorify hustling, expensive toys, and devaluing women.
Don't even get me started on trying to find a black man that does not already have children, wants to take you out on dates that involve actually leaving the house, has not been in trouble with the law, does not have trouble expressing his feelings, isn't a liar or cheater, and is not a commitment-phobic.
Dating educated black men or those with good jobs does not exempt you from dealing with issues, either. Some of these men are conceited and unwilling to settle down since they feel like hot commodities who can have any woman they want because of the pool of less-desirable men.
With all the factors working against them, many black women end up settling for any man.
There's nothing wrong with compromising. That's part of loving someone. But don't settle. I refuse to settle. Settling dooms you to becoming one of those battle axes that complain about the lack of good men.
I hope things change for the better for black love in our community. Until then, I'll try to remain optimistic about my romantic future and open-minded about dating. Love does not have to be defined by race.
Maybe one day I'll know what Salt N Pepa were singing about.
blane@unews.com
Viewing Comments 1 - 9 of 12
Greg Magerl
posted 12/04/06 @ 11:35 PM CST
I just read the diatribe on how hard it is to find a good man. The simple fact of the matter is that there are good men out there. I work, as a civilian, with an Army unit. (Continued…)
Brittany Lane
posted 12/05/06 @ 11:39 AM CST
Thanks for the comment Greg. But I have to disagree with you that my forum is a diatribe and that I'm a bigot. I never said that there aren't good men out there. (Continued…)
Richard
Richard
posted 12/06/06 @ 11:47 AM CST
Her article was not racist, however last time I checked there is nothing wrong with a black woman deciding to pursue black men only. And I know many people of other races who have standing rules to not date outside of their race. (Continued…)
Queen Johnson
posted 12/22/07 @ 9:52 PM CST
Thank God for this article I really thought I was crazy or just plain undesirable. I have been trying to date after coming out of a long term relationship and it has been a downhill battle I didn't know what the problem was. (Continued…)
www.ebonydateonline.com
posted 5/12/08 @ 12:07 PM CST
i joined this site called www.ebonydateonline.com and there are plenty of single black men on there from all 50 states so if your having a hard time finding love try www. (Continued…)
Kimberly
posted 7/27/08 @ 11:13 AM CST
I am a 34 y/o divorced black woman who does not date outside her race. I take issue with the use of the subjective term GOOD. Despite all the statistics, I have dated more educated black men than not, more gainfully employed than not, more involved parents than not, and more interested in committments than not. (Continued…)
John
posted 10/03/08 @ 9:41 AM CST
I read in article about this topic from a man's perspective and I think he summed it up pretty nicely:
taken from http://www.tao-of-love.com/tao-of-steve/a-good-man-is-hard-to-findcolumn-for-71206/
"It took a while, but I think we finally have a working definition of a "good man. (Continued…)
Harveir
posted 12/03/08 @ 2:15 AM CST
Amen John:
I think there are too many expectations and the script is being flipped. I am a 37 divorced male and let me tell you I don't desire relationships anymore. (Continued…)
Free Black Dating Sites
posted 1/12/09 @ 12:43 AM CST
Sometimes its hard to meet someone of the same race as you, thats why its nice to hop online and find a nice black dating site, theres a bunch of free ones, check it out
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